The topic of crime is crime. We talk about it, sometimes we argue, but we are never there to talk about anything.Do you like it or not?First of all, let's start with the trenning bьntetйsrхl parent profession to clarify what a bьntetйs. Often there is a long silence and it is difficult to start sharing what we mean in general bьntetйs and we are the target with it.
My point of view, which came from Haim Ginott's psychological technique, and his "Speak this way" trending (and a lot of literature) bьntetйs something that deprives our child of something that is important to us, or expects something that he or she does not really want to do. The goal, of course, is not to punish yourself, but to ensure in the future that behaviors that are negative in your eyes do not repeat themselves. In the following list you will find the details of the crime. If you recognize one or more of its elements, you know with certainty that you are about to be punished (or have just done so):
1. The punishment is directed against the person and not against the act. I know what would cause great pain to my child (not just physically), so I take advantage of "You can't look at your father, you can't count it!" "I will not give you your favorite school!
2. The punishment has no relation to the chosen act. The punishment is not the consequence of the act (natural or logical): "You didn't welcome your grandmother, so I lock you up!" "You blamed your brother, you can't eat cake!"
3. In the case of a crime, the child has no opportunity to prosecute his or her actions. The reward itself is the punishment.
4. The punishment should be imposed by the parents in their initial state - most often for the elimination of frustration. Often, after a few minutes, once the alertness has diminished, the parent will repent of what he or she has done and ignore the offense, which may further increase the child's discomfort. One example:
- Before you do, find out where the behavior of one and the other is leading. That's it you give him a choice, and this is already a success.
Why doesn't the punishment work?In the case of sanctioning sanctions, we expect our child to think what has happened and to show that they have not done the right thing and that it should not happen again. (Even a small list for an adult ...)
What does the penalty give you? The balancing sensing. Micsodaaaaa? Amen. I can most easily compare the situation to a football match. Thus: the child "behaves badly" 1: 0. The parent punishment: 1: 1. We do not develop the internal moral standards we are expecting, the punishment is incapable of loading this target. If something were to keep our child afloat for the next moment, it would be nothing less than a fear of the offender, in order to avoid the offense.
With the following example, I can make this point even more: it does not matter that our child does not swallow the crystalline water after we leave the room because he / she is afraid of being punished or because he / she knows it is not the place. In addition, research in the sixties also served as an excellent example, as it has proven that children are still a deterrent to the threat they have to bear to keep up with what they have the danger is thought - and for the child all this was the restrained power - the ratio of the expected action to occur (eg do not target a particular subject) is reduced to one third. However, in the group where children received information about the target or avoidance that they wanted to avoid, 77% of them did - without the possibility of being threatened! - he chose to refrain from prohibited conduct.
In short, saying what we do, how we do it, is more likely to deter us from "bad behavior" than to punish us. Do I need to admonish this?
By giving our children information, the consequences of their deeds, which are interrelated and unrelated, as in the case of crime, can also be understood as a foundation.
A daddy has booked one of his trending crimes in his parent's profession: we teach our children what is injustice by punishing. You're thinking, aren't you? How can you work? Instead of Billing:
- how to lead it, how it could help you,
- how to express your disapproval without qualifying the child's character,
- how to express your expectations,
- how to give your choice,
- how to show him how to do yvv,
- how to respond if none of the above works,
- how the child works to bear the consequences of the deed.